Sunday Poser # 77

Awareness, My question, prompts, Sunday Poser

Welcome back to another Sunday Poser

This week my question is;

In your opinion, how far can a person go for a loved one? Or what can they tolerate?

In a recent situation with a friend, I came across this question. What can people tolerate from those they love. Can they take abuse, gaslighting, and disrespect and still love that person?

For me the answer was simple. I think mistreatment kills the love and respect someone might have felt towards their abuser/partner/ spouse. In my opinion, love can only exist if there is mutual respect. I’ve not experienced the obsessive type of love which comes at all costs. Have you experienced such love or know someone who loves despite being mistreated or physically or/and mentally abused?

Another way to ask this question would be; Do people love another irrespective of how they are treated?

Please share your thoughts in the comments section or you can write your own post and link it to this one so that I can find it.

As usual, thanks of visiting and reading.

#Keepitalive

#SundayPoser

Published by Sadje

I am writing to express my opinion, share my experiences and to maybe provide some insight. My blog is addressing women at 50 ( but men are welcome to read my posts) ,their issues and the questions that come up at this stage in life. I don’t aim to teach, but to learn together.

Published

63 thoughts on “Sunday Poser # 77”

  2. We all have different thresholds, for better or worse. At the end of the day, I believe we accept the love we think we deserve. The hope is that eventually we learn that we deserve the best for ourselves and we deserve to be happy – even if it feels like it’s too late.

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  3. I think we are the protectors of ourselves above all else. Why else would we have been given the incredible gift of life? If a friend continually threatens our dignity, our safety or our affection, it is grounds to end the abuse and move on to more supportive friendships. I will forgive a friend once for incredible breaches of friendship, but not a second time.

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  9. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my children. NOTHING. But anyone else is a different matter entirely. I gave up on my marriage when I felt disrespected and unheard. I realized that nothing I did could change this person’s basic selfishness, so I emotionally turned off from him. After that, it was hard for me to let down my guard and love anyone else… and now I’ve decided it isn’t worth the bother. I certainly would not tolerate disrespect from a friend. I have ended or at least backed off from many people who haven’t treated me kindly…

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    1. A mother does that for her children, go to any length! But in a relationship with a spouse or partner, I think there’s a limit which cannot and should not be crossed. What’s love if one has to defend oneself all the time. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Paula

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  11. In my opinion it depends on the relationship. If it truly is a loved one, then to the ends of the earth and beyond. If you sincerely love the person, you’ll do anything it takes for them (save lend them money, that’s just never a good idea IMO). Even if they’re not related by blood to you. Sometimes the non-blood loved ones are more dear and precious and supportive than the ones related by blood. For my nuclear family (most of them)? I wouldn’t cross the street to pee on ’em if they were on fire. Short answer: Depends on the relationship.

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  12. Great question, Sadje! Personally, the line is drawn for me when dishonesty enters the picture. When I can no longer trust the person, then the connection is severed, or at the very least not regarded as highly.

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  16. When you are involved in these types of relationships, you cannot see the toxicity. It’s as if you know, and don’t know. When awareness does come, however, it is very clear a change is needed immediately. There is no one fixed point in time when this occurs. In my situation it took the help of my teacher and life coach to help me eventually see the issues, which were not one sided by the way. That’s the other thing about these types of relationships, they affect everyone and everything. Thank you for the space for this reflection, Sadje.

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    1. Absolutely right Jeff. These things take a toll on everyone involved. And right again when you say that the person involved cannot see it at once or very clearly either. People who are outside can see the toxicity and help in decision making

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  17. The answer is, yes there is and she is someone that I know. This person doesn’t have much knowledge about toxic relationships. No matter how many times she’s been treated badly, she succumbed to every sweet-talk and future faking. Her attitude is mainly due her insecurity and culture mindset that husbands are godly no matter how he behave.

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  19. Great question. I don’t know if there can be a simple answer. My love stretches far and wide for my loved ones! But there is “tough love” too, you don’t want to be an enabler and support bad habits. So certain situations due to your love for your loved one, you may have to practice tough love. You don’t stop loving them, but its what you have to do to help them. I am thinking like if they have an addiction to something bad, etc.

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    1. Thanks Joy, you made a valid point about helping those you CC love by being strict with them. I think a deep bond of love needs to exist for that too happen. Thanks for sharing

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  22. Near to me, respect is the backbone of the relationship. So if someone says I love you and you always feel happy and secure with me but he or she doesn’t respect you then you have to go far away from that person. It is easy to understand that if a person can’t give you respect then how do you imagine that will give you love and protect you from this cruel world.
    And on another side a person who doesn’t love you but respects you and knows rights and takes care of you then automatically with the time you both fall in love.
    With respect, you can get both respect and love but without respect the love which has bound you will break and you lost love also.

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  26. I think God teaches us to forgive but you don’t have to continue accepting or being around certain people. I have let some friendships and relationships go entirely and others have become acquaintances for my own safety and peace of mind.

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