Control or an illusion of control?

Sadje's View, You Asked
Photo Credit Sarah Whiley

This week Fandango asks;

Looking at your own situation, how much of your life is formed by things that are outside of your control versus things that are within your control? Please elaborate to the extent you feel comfortable.

I will start from my childhood. My mom passed away when I was six. This made a huge impact on my life and personality. This was something that was out of my control.

My father, a very loving and kind man raised all three of us siblings. He taught me great life values and gave us a good upbringing. It was also a draw of luck to have such a wonderful person as my parent.

I was gifted with an almost photographic memory and a good brain. I studied towards becoming a doctor, putting in as much hard work as I was capable of/ willing to. This I could say was in my control.

I got married during the fourth year of my med school. It was an arranged marriage with my consent. I had planned to finish my degree but again fate intervened and instead of a doctor, I became a mom. This part of my life was although destined, it was happening with my will so I’ll take responsibility for it.

I have three lovely, gifted children. All are intelligent, hardworking and great human beings. They have worked hard to achieve success in their professional lives. But even here external circumstances have played a role in which direction their life is headed.

I feel that though my character is formed by how I was raised, the values I was taught, and what I personally decided to adopt as my basic principles, where I am today is just a part of it. The rest comes from the circumstances of life.

To cut it short, we all are born with an independent will. Whatever path we choose, which decisions we make, we carry the onus of all those. However, where our life takes us is mostly due to circumstances beyond our control.

A famous Urdu poet Mirza Ghalib has said it so well;

*We take a ride in this ship of life
Seemingly in charge, but in reality, without power

(*Paraphrased)

So just like the image above, circumstances and decisions are stone piled on top of each other. What is important and is supported by our actions stays on the pile and others slide away.

Written for FPQ # 157, hosted by Fandango

Also included; Photo Challenge # 403

#Keepitalive

#FPQ

#PhotoChallenge

Published by Sadje

I am writing to express my opinion, share my experiences and to maybe provide some insight. My blog is addressing women at 50 ( but men are welcome to read my posts) ,their issues and the questions that come up at this stage in life. I don’t aim to teach, but to learn together.

Published

38 thoughts on “Control or an illusion of control?”

  4. I think I have been lucky most of my life as an English major falling into some interesting jobs and opportunities. Then again, often your luck is made by yourself and preparation meeting opportunity. If you are not searching outside, you will settle.

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    1. It was sort of made for me by my circumstances. I had at first one baby and 18 months later another one. I didn’t have a mom who could chip in and there was no daycare facilities at that time. Besides the more time I spent away from my studies, the more difficult it appeared to go back. In the end I thought I would just give an English paper and get my BSc degree.

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      1. I understand, My girls are 20 months apart. I was very young and struggling to finish my college in between being mommy. It took me a long time. I couldn’t imagine med school with little ones.

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