Is it okay to lie to oneself?

Do we lie to ourselves?

Are we always honest with ourselves?

Are we?

Being honest with others is easier than being honest with ourselves. Tell no lies, is the principle that we live with. Being truthful is a rule that we don’t break. To others.

But are we hundred percent truthful to ourselves too?

By lying to ourselves, I don’t mean that we tell ourselves that it is day when it is actually night. No, not outright lies. By this question, what I really am asking are we honest about our inner feelings, our insecurities, and our fears.

Do we hide the feelings of hurt or betrayal from even ourselves? Because admitting to them will give us more pain.

Do we think that something that has hurt us, if not accepted will not exist?

I think that we sometimes do it, especially if it concerns a loved one. Though it should not be so, but often there is a reluctance to express our hurt or feelings of betrayal. But by ignoring the issues, pretending that it doesn’t exist can play havoc with our state of mind and our relationship with that person in the long run. Because you see, we may forget it for a while, the hurt is buried deep and surfaces at an inopportune time. This can result in unexpected consequences.

It’s human tendency to gloss over the unpleasant aspects of life. We often ignore what is unacceptable to us and lie to ourselves by default.

Would it help if we are always 100 % honest to ourselves?

I think it would save us from getting hurt when at the end of the day, there is no other option but to face reality.

It will also help us to resolve the issues in relationships that crop up due to this self-denial.

Ideally, all relationships should be based on truth and if we don’t base our interactions with our loved ones on honesty, we will soon feel the stress of carrying the burden of false expectations and hidden feelings.

What are your views about this issue?

Have you ever felt what I have described in this post?

Please do share your thoughts in comments.

Thanks for reading.


34 thoughts on “Is it okay to lie to oneself?

  1. I lived a lie for 4 of the 8 years in a relationship. I told myself it would work out, I fretted and believed him when he said he’d change (improvement for a few days, maybe a couple of weeks). Stubbornness kept me there, my refusal to admit I’d made a mistake, but some good did come of it, and I felt a responsibility to his children. When the time came for me to be honest with myself, it was a right mess. I didn’t like the guy I lived with, my life, my job, myself.
    All that is behind me now and I make sure I am honest with myself and everyone I come in contact with. It might not be pretty, but no way I want to go backwards!

    Liked by 5 people

  2. When buried feelings come out at once, it’s usually bitter and makes things worse!
    The burden of heavy feelings is too much!! I personally feel comfortable pouring out into my diary!!
    As you said rightly “ideally” all relationships should be based on truth, but the other person’s acceptance of this truth matters a lot too. 😊

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You are right on both accounts. If possible, we should be at least hon with ourselves. As for the other person in the relationship is concerned, they should or could be told the truth albeit gradually and in a manner which won’t hurt their feelings.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Facing reality is the best foot forward, always! I think it usually takes life experience to get oneself there. Children know that and live it until we shoosh that honesty out of them rather than showing them how to be honest while being intentionally kind and diplomatic about it. Personally, I don’t think any human knows how to be fully 100% honest unless they have absolutely no filters, but I fear that too many of us, have too many filters and keep much shuttered when it should get out appropriately. At my age now, I think I’m the most honest I’ve ever been with others about my feelings and emotions but also expect, almost demand it, from others. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, Sadje!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You’re absolutely right about being totally honest in life. And it is true that our ingrained filters make us hesitant to admitting to the truth all the time. Like you, with age I have become more honest with myself and others too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Susi.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. thought provoking post Sadje and the level of the responses says you have resonated with many!

    I doubt most of us are honest with ourselves … I never was until I did a retreat that was so profound it exploded my naivety apart. Hence I advocate meditation as it’s helped my healing process, my connection to reality so much 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Kate! This topic has been in writing for more than a year!
      I agree that we aren’t honest about a lot of things to ourselves. Meditation and self analysis is good for coming to terms with the reality.
      I appreciate your thoughts and feedback

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I know I take on too much. I accept it. Do I always like it? NO! But I do it with my eyes wide open. I’d say I’m mostly honest with myself. The things I lie to myself about are more about being okay with things I cant (or won’t) change. I accept them, but I’m not really okay with them.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I know in youth I tried to ignore things that were obviously true, when my selfish heart wanted something else. For a short spell in my teen years I was quite the stroppy teenager, difficult with my parents etc. I think a lot of it was to do with the music I was listening to and some friendships, but to be honest music influenced me more. I got myself a job at a record company and I thought it was all great. But as time passed, I saw what a horrible world it was. I hated seeing people drunk and vulgar. I wanted to be someone clean, joyful, pleasant, modest, humble. I was seeing the opposite of that in the music industry at the time. Once I started to be more honest about what I loved in love, the kind of things that made me deeply happy…I grew in a sense of conviction and esteem. From then on, it was easier to identify an influence and ask myself, why do I want that?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. In our younger days, we are just discovering ourselves. And we learn by making mistakes. In glad you were honest enough to admit that you didn’t wanted that life. Here your honesty rescued you from a life you weren’t meant for. Thanks for sharing your Mel.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. What an awesome post. I don’t know that I have lied to myself, rather accepted things that were not good for me for way too long. I guess I was lying in a way because I was hopeful things would magically change and make me happy. The reality is, that never happens. At this ripe old age, I am finally seeking my truth and my happiness.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks a lot Lauren. I have been writing it a long time. I realized the same thing as you did that we swallow lot of unpleasantness and tell ourselves that it is fine. But we are deceiving ourselves. It is time to be honest. Thanks for sharing your thoughts

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I think sometimes when these feelings turn into resentment, we should breathe and focus on what matters most. It lends a calm perspective to dealing with other things.
    If it’s what matters most that disturbs us, then I believe there are few better ways than just speaking our minds and airing our grievances

    Liked by 2 people

    1. If we cannot speak out the hurt or discuss the problem, we should at least admit to ourself that we have a problem. This is the first step. Thanks for sharing your thoughts

      Liked by 1 person

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