Beckie of Beckie’s Mental Mess is the creator of this challenge.
I am sharing things from my own childhood, where I faced the fear of being alone.
One thing I must make clear that this post is not about self-pity. It is about overcoming obstacles thrown in our way by circumstances and life itself.
As I have mentioned before I lost my mother at the age of six. I had two brothers, one older and one younger to me. My father remarried after a couple of years. Things were going well but then my youngest brother was born. His birth heralded a change in my stepmom’s behavior. She became very possessive and jealous about us sharing our father’s love with our stepbrother. As he grew up, her insecurities grew too. She would be comparing what we got as in clothes etc. with what her son got. It was very petty-minded of her. Gradually life became very tough for us three siblings.
She tried to create a rift between us and our father. Though she was unsuccessful, she managed to create an atmosphere of resentment and tension in our home. Her jealousy drove her to the extent that she would lie about things or exaggerate them out of proportion to make us look bad. Luckily, we three siblings had a bond of love and a stronger bond of a common enemy to hold us together. We were always there for each other in our growing years. But as my brothers grew up they found activities and life outside the home to be more attractive and free from stress and hence they were not around that much when I hit teenage. I was a shy girl and didn’t have many friends.
At this time in my life, I faced a sense of isolation and fear of being alone in life. I felt that I was unwanted and useless and would often give in to bouts of self-pity and crying. It is a long saga, which continued till I got married and moved out of my father’s home. I don’t blame my father because we never told him what was going on. He was suffering from CAD (coronary artery disease) and any stress was bad for him. So, we suffered in silence.
But from this situation, I discovered my inner strength. Little by little, I started to feel good in myself. I always had my father’s love to support me, so I started to disregard the arrows of criticism and dislike aimed at me. My past formed me. Now I have achieved the mental state that I always wanted. Where I am not bothered about what others think of me or about my actions. I feel that having faced a tough time growing up, I have developed a resistance to being bullied. It has helped me overcome my fears of rejection as I know my own worth now.
The lesson learned is that people may want to subdue you, they may want you to feel unwanted or may try to isolate you, but you can overcome this by believing in yourself. By knowing your good qualities and by loving yourself.