It’s an oft-repeated scenario. A friend, or a colleague comes up to you and asks a favor of you and you…. afraid of offending them will say yes!
Oh! She is so sweet. She will do anything for you. This remark is said about someone people like to think that they can easily manipulate.
Is being sweet or naive a desirable quality? Or people who have this type of personality should try to change themselves? It is not a fact that the naive person is often taken advantage of. People don’t think twice before encroaching upon their pliable and giving nature. They are the ones left behind to finish the project, or to clean up after everyone has gone. Their good nature forbids them to refuse an imposition or to stand up for their own rights.
Are you such a person or a near and dear one is?
If you are like that, would you change it? Or since it is what makes you, you , the thought for changing it is not to be considered?
I have to say that now that I have grown out of my desire to keep everyone happy with me, I no longer fall in this category. How did I changed myself?
1. Realizing the universal truth that you cannot keep all the people happy all the time. It may seem a simple enough statement but truly understanding it took me forty years of my life. Though I still have relapses, I consider myself cured of this desire. I have learned to draw a line, crossing which is going to effect my wellbeing and have marked this as my limit.
2. Knowing my own limits and worth. One person cannot do everything for everyone. I had to organize myself according to my priorities and my time. I would be great if I could do what a family member or a friend had asked of me, but if I didn’t have the time or energy left after dealing with my own and family’s requirements, I should say no! Similarly being treated as a general gofer is not flattering to one’s ego. All the tedious or boring tasks are being off loaded onto your shoulders. This needed to stop. Do not let anybody reduce you to the status of a doormat!
3. Realizing that if you say yes a hundred times and a no just once, people will remember the No more than all the times you said Yes! This realization is a true game changer. As they say, that people pick and remember a negative deed or trait, rather than praising a virtue, so better quit while you are ahead!
4. Learning the art of polite but firm refusal. This is the most important life skill that we need to learn. It is so important that I think that we should teach this in school! The trick is to be very polite and show your understanding while refusing to be imposed upon! Being firm and steadfast with your refusal is an essential. Some people equate being firm as being rude or stubborn, but in time when they realize that you really mean it, they will accept it.
This post is more about what I have learned in life and what I faced before that. Have you any similar experiences? Please share.
Will be waiting for you to share your feedback in comments.