Sweetness or naïveté ?Are you a people pleaser?

It’s an oft-repeated scenario. A friend, or a colleague comes up to you and asks a favor of you and you…. afraid of offending them will say yes!

Oh! She is so sweet. She will do anything for you. This remark is said about someone people like to think that they can easily manipulate.

Is being sweet or naive a desirable quality? Or people who have this type of personality should try to change themselves? It is not a fact that the naive person is often taken advantage of. People don’t think twice before encroaching upon their pliable and giving nature. They are the ones left behind to finish the project, or to clean up after everyone has gone. Their good nature forbids them to refuse an imposition or to stand up for their own rights.

Are you such a person or a near and dear one is?

If you are like that, would you change it? Or since it is what makes you, you , the thought for changing it is not to be considered?

I have to say that now that I have grown out of my desire to keep everyone happy with me, I no longer fall in this category. How did I changed myself?

1. Realizing the universal truth that you cannot keep all the people happy all the time. It may seem a simple enough statement but truly understanding it took me forty years of my life. Though I still have relapses, I consider myself cured of this desire. I have learned to draw a line, crossing which is going to effect my wellbeing and have marked this as my limit.

2. Knowing my own limits and worth. One person cannot do everything for everyone. I had to organize myself according to my priorities and my time. I would be great if I could do what a family member or a friend had asked of me, but if I didn’t have the time or energy left after dealing with my own and family’s requirements, I should say no! Similarly being treated as a general gofer is not flattering to one’s ego. All the tedious or boring tasks are being off loaded onto your shoulders. This needed to stop. Do not let anybody reduce you to the status of a doormat!

3. Realizing that if you say yes a hundred times and a no just once, people will remember the No more than all the times you said Yes! This realization is a true game changer. As they say, that people pick and remember a negative deed or trait, rather than praising a virtue, so better quit while you are ahead!

4. Learning the art of polite but firm refusal. This is the most important life skill that we need to learn. It is so important that I think that we should teach this in school! The trick is to be very polite and show your understanding while refusing to be imposed upon! Being firm and steadfast with your refusal is an essential. Some people equate being firm as being rude or stubborn, but in time when they realize that you really mean it, they will accept it.

This post is more about what I have learned in life and what I faced before that. Have you any similar experiences? Please share.

Will be waiting for you to share your feedback in comments.

#Keepitalive

#Iamnotadoormat

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41 thoughts on “Sweetness or naïveté ?Are you a people pleaser?

  1. I usually differentiate between my family and others. I would say I respond positively 95% of the time to family requests. With others it just depends on what’s being asked…… and I will do other favours without being asked. One example is I shovel the drive ways of the neighbours to either side of me. One neighbour is 91 and the other is in his eighties with a heart problem. So things like that are no brainers. One thing I have learned not to do is to lend money to family or friends. There is usually no good ending to this. But you are absolutely right Sadje, don’t be a door mat.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. One of my worst qualities is being too nice… for a while. Then people expect more of me than others. When I finally say no, they have a big fit. I’ve been saying no more often, but not enough. If I’d said no to something in early October, I wouldn’t be going through a big pain in the butt annoyance right now. All my own mushy fault!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have also learned that I cannot make everyone happy and I too still have slip ups sometimes. I spent a good portion of my previous years doing this only to learn that if someone doesn’t want to be happy it really doesn’t matter what you do because they will just be unhappy anyways. So it is okay to try beacause it will work on some but if your efforts turn out to be a failure then tell yourself you tried and let them fix themself! 😬🤷‍♀️🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If I have the time and it’s help that is truly needed, I’ll say yes. If I don’t have the time, have prior commitments, feel I’m being used, or know this person would never help me if I asked…I say no. The thing is, if you’re going to say no, don’t beat yourself up about it later or what’s the point? If you’re going to say no, own it! We help people we care about or know they really need our help.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. it only takes one truly bad relationship for most to stop being doormats. I easily say NO to people when they make requests I do not wish to do. When I do say YES, those asking know I really want to do whatever they have requested. Makes life much easier.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. At one point of time I was exactly like this. A few near and dear ones of mine were this way too. But time gave us good lessons to learn from.
    In fact for me it was the best lesson and say perhaps a blessing in disguise.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I totally agree with all that you have said on this post.
    I have fallen into this trap of not saying no quite often on the past.
    As I grow older I am learning to say no sometimes.
    You are absolutely right in saying that it is a skill that should be taught in s books.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I think there are some people who honestly take pleasure from helping others and, if that’s the reason for saying ‘yes’ then I don’t think it’s something negative. The problem comes when you say ‘yes’ but would actually prefer to say ‘no’. The best way is to just be honest :O) x

    Liked by 1 person

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